This Christmas, everything is exactly like it's always been. Icicle lights
drape off my roof. My artificial, pre-lit tree, adorned with a wide variety of
beloved Hallmark ornaments, stands in its usual place of honor in front of the
red living room drapes. My nativity scene sits on the entertainment center, and
my vast penguin collection decorates every unoccupied corner of the house.
Yes, everything is exactly the same--but at the same time, everything is
completely different. This Christmas offers a greater impact than usual, and it
has nothing to do with the warm glow of holiday cheer or the toasty feeling I
get when drinking hot chocolate and melted marshmallows. Instead, it has
everything to do with the fact that I'm two months pregnant.
It is very strange to think that next Christmas, Lord willing, I'll have a
five-month old in my lap while opening gifts with the family. There will be a
car seat in the back of my Sebring, next to the pile of presents on the way to
my grandmother's house. There will be toys and tiny clothes and pacifiers
everywhere--oh, I can't wait! Yet even though I realize that next Christmas will
be radically different, I can't help but feel that this Christmas is
the most unique of them all.
And it's all because of Mary.
I can't stop thinking about how she must have felt. The Christmas story in
the Bible has become real to me in a sense that is hard to explain. My pregnancy
differs from Mary's in oh, maybe a thousand ways, yet I feel that I can now
understand her a little bit better. Growing up, hearing the nativity story in
church, Mary always seemed somewhat distant. She was a nice girl, chosen by God,
to bring Jesus into this world. She was young, yes, and a virgin, which is
mind-blowing the miracle of God's ways, but I never really got her.
Until this year. Now, I think of her situation and tears fill my eyes as if
on cue. Mary was a teenager, alone, scared, and with a huge mission. Overwhelmed
doesn't even begin to describe what lay before her! When I found out I
was pregnant, it was from a home test. Mary didn't have one line or two pop up
in a little circular window--she had an angel of the Lord break the news! My
husband and I were planning a pregnancy--Mary hadn't ever known a man. Our
family and friends were ecstatic with our news--Mary's family and friends
scorned her and doubted her integrity and purity. My husband and I have drawn
closer together through the discovery of this new adventure--Mary almost lost
the man who loved her because of disbelief and shame.
The differences continue to amaze me. Just because Mary was pregnant through
a miracle doesn't mean she didn't experience the regular symptoms every pregnant
woman experiences. Every ache, every hunger pain or craving, every cramp or sore
muscle or mood swing must have reminded her of the incredible task to which
she'd been assigned. I feel a random twinge of pain and immediately wonder if
something might be wrong. How much more would Mary worry, knowing the importance
of the child in her womb? Then again, Mary realized her son was blessed by God,
and would be protected. Still, as a woman, I don't know if that would have kept
me completely anxiety-free!
In the midst of my sympathy for Mary's situation, for the emotional roller
coaster she surely rode, for the unknown stretched before her like a giant
canyon, lies a sense of deep respect. I don't know about you, but if I had been
in Mary's sandals, I might not have responded to the angel so politely.
Luke 1:38 - "I am the Lord's servant," Mary answered. "May it be
to me as you have said."
I have to admit, my response would have probably been something more like
"Are you kidding me? That's impossible. I haven't even had my first kiss!
I'm too young. Don't you know what everyone will think of me? What this will
mean to my future? No one will want to marry me if I'm pregnant. I'll have no
security, no husband, no means of taking care of myself..." And probably
would have gone on and on until the angel hushed me up like the Lord did to
Zechariah!
But one thing I'm certain of is that my God is bigger than my mood swings.
Despite any doubts Mary had, any fear or anxiety, I know God gave her peace and
strength to get through it all. She carried a miracle in her womb, and would go
down in history as a chosen woman of God. To be such an essential part to a life
altering, world-changing event such as Christ's birth was surely worth the
midnight food cravings and the swollen ankles. Something tells me that Joseph,
good man that he was to stick with her throughout those scandalous nine months,
probably rubbed Mary's feet for her!
I'm only getting started in my pregnancy. Still in the first trimester, with
lots to look forward to and also worry about it, if I let it consume me. I'll
possibly worry a little anyway, but just like Mary, I know God is in charge of
things here! He's got it all under control. Just like Mary probably sobbed with
relief when she heard those piercing first cries in the stable that star-studded
night, I'll cry for joy when I receive the first glimpse of my own little
miracle.
This year, my nativity scene is right where it belongs on my entertainment
center. But I can't quite look at the figurines the same. I can't see Mary and
baby Jesus the way I did last year. My heart has been opened, and I think that's
the best Christmas present I could have ever unwrapped.
Betsy Ann St. Amant resides in northern Louisiana
with her husband, Brandon. Betsy has a bachelor's degree in Christian
Communications from Louisiana Baptist University and is actively pursuing a
career in inspirational writing. Her first published Christian Fiction novel,
Midnight Angel, is now available on amazon.com. You can contact her at betsystamant@yahoo.com.
Powered by ScribeFire.
No comments:
Post a Comment